The hardest task I find is...

The hardest task that I am finding to do is....being a human. Yes, that's correct, being human. I have decided I am not so fond of that part of living. It is the part that is fraught with human error, complex emotional states, feelings that can drive our actions in undesired ways, and thoughts that are often misaligned with reality. Plain and simple, being human is not plain and not simple. It is, in fact, hard work. So, as a Coach, and a person committed to wellness, what would I tell myself on a day that I am finding it particularly difficult to be human? Go to bed early? Take a hot bath? Remember to eat? Talk to a friend for comfort and guidance? Or would I just say, "Pack a bag, and hit the road while there is still an opportunity to run?" The truth is, there is no where to run to. Clearly, I would follow myself wherever I go. As long as I exist in the current form, I am left with the difficult task of facing my humanity. Sitting up taller in my chair, and acknowledging the remarkable gift that humans do have, the powerful gift of choice, I take a deep breath and consider all the wisdom that I have developed over the years. First, I can choose to look at my humanness as a burden or I can re-frame that thought and feel some excitement over who and what I am. I am an incredible unique being unlike any other being on this earth (and so are you). Humans have this ability to choose what they think and even manage their feelings and emotional experiences. We can take any experience and replay it over and over, or if it is unpleasant, let it go. What exactly does "let it go" mean. For me it means to replace the negative thoughts with something positive. I choose every day to live happy. (Ok, so some days don't follow the plan.) I choose to live free (as much as possible) of worry, stress, and my brain's negative interpretation and expansion of certain experiences. Next, I have learned to live in the present so that I don't miss the "good stuff." The good stuff is like coming home to be greeted by the cat that had been missing for three days (during which time I was trying not to replay the thought that he might be dead). The good stuff includes the friend who calls and thinks your terrific. Or the daughter who laughs with you at the ups and downs of living. The good stuff is when someone says thank you for making a difference in their life, for helping them accept their mother's death with a little bit more grace. The good stuff is taking a walk; smelling, feeling, and hearing the sounds of the season and everything around you. Life is filled with good stuff. So why is it so quickly lost in the hard stuff? Because that's where most of us put our attention. Each day I try to laugh, try to play, try to pray. Oh yea, pray. In my opinion, it doesn't really matter to what or to whom you pray. I think it is the experience and the knowing that there is something profoundly at work in our universe and in our lives. There is this energy force compelling us forward and connecting us. So through moments of prayer, laughter, and play we can begin to fill our thoughts with the joy of being human. We can savor each moment, knowing that somehow we will survive the hard stuff and maybe just thrive as a result. The other day my friend, who I was visiting while on vacation, asked me do I really believe that I have such power over my thoughts and experiences? We happened to be discussing the weather at the time. The report was for rain. My response was I don't think about the possibility of bad weather. In fact, it had never rained on my vacation in her state before. She was, of course, in disbelief. Do I believe my thoughts are that powerful? Perhaps not, but we did have a beautiful day on the beach.

I want to live like I am on vacation.

My daughter, who is living as a college student, sent me a text message the other day; "I feel like I am on one long vacation and I have had enough!" Funny, I understand that feeling and remember vacationing myself at a wonderful place several years in a row for the typical one week vacation. Finally, one year I planned for my family to go for two weeks. What I found out was 10 days was "just right." (I purposely avoided use of the word "perfect" here, questioning whether such a concept actually exists. I am sure that the author of Goldilocks and The Three Bears had some reason too for using "just right" instead of "perfect.")

I called my daughter and applauded her for knowing herself well enough to know when "enough is enough." Like the game "Say Uncle", many of us don't know when to "Say Uncle," indicating that we surrender or have had enough. We seem to endure so much in our life before we are ready to make a change. Why is it that wanting change and creating change are so far apart? And wanting it, is not enough to create it. My daughter, although not throwing in the towel on her social life by any means, is able to identify that boundary line for herself. I am often amazed at her insight and wonder how many young adults know their limits. I for one didn't at that age.

Today though I have titled this reading "I want to live like I am on vacation," not because I want to see if I have the courage to cry out "Say Uncle" but rather because I want the lines of my life to not be so distinct and separate. I want my worlds to blend more joyfully. How many people live to work and spend their nights fretting over their next day? Too many. Working with my own Life Coach, my life blends more easily from morning to night. I have learned how to make the moments count, not count the moments.

Somehow we lose too many days waiting for the good ones to come- those days like we are on vacation. People tell themselves that when they are on vacation they will do something fun or meaningful, and in the meantime will continue to endure each day, knowing that they are losing precious time. Time had always been something I raced against. For years I believed that if I didn't sleep, I could fool time.

Yes, there are some who bound out of bed in the morning calling out "Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero!" (Translated, "Seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the future."). Perhaps I am looking too closely for "perfect," yet I am not concerned that I will not reach it. I use it only as a guidepost to achieve that knowing feeling of, I have loved enough, played enough, and yes, worked enough, just for today.

At the end of a day on a vacation, I reflect on the day asking myself if I have savoured the day living, exploring, learning, loving, giving, eating, and resting. Although, I excitedly anticipate tomorrow, I have had enough for this day. I want this everyday. At night, when I close my eyes, should it be my last waking moment, I want that knowing feeling that I have had enough, that my life is just right.