Saturday, September 19, 2009

I want to live like I am on vacation.

My daughter, who is living as a college student, sent me a text message the other day; "I feel like I am on one long vacation and I have had enough!" Funny, I understand that feeling and remember vacationing myself at a wonderful place several years in a row for the typical one week vacation. Finally, one year I planned for my family to go for two weeks. What I found out was 10 days was "just right." (I purposely avoided use of the word "perfect" here, questioning whether such a concept actually exists. I am sure that the author of Goldilocks and The Three Bears had some reason too for using "just right" instead of "perfect.")

I called my daughter and applauded her for knowing herself well enough to know when "enough is enough." Like the game "Say Uncle", many of us don't know when to "Say Uncle," indicating that we surrender or have had enough. We seem to endure so much in our life before we are ready to make a change. Why is it that wanting change and creating change are so far apart? And wanting it, is not enough to create it. My daughter, although not throwing in the towel on her social life by any means, is able to identify that boundary line for herself. I am often amazed at her insight and wonder how many young adults know their limits. I for one didn't at that age.

Today though I have titled this reading "I want to live like I am on vacation," not because I want to see if I have the courage to cry out "Say Uncle" but rather because I want the lines of my life to not be so distinct and separate. I want my worlds to blend more joyfully. How many people live to work and spend their nights fretting over their next day? Too many. Working with my own Life Coach, my life blends more easily from morning to night. I have learned how to make the moments count, not count the moments.

Somehow we lose too many days waiting for the good ones to come- those days like we are on vacation. People tell themselves that when they are on vacation they will do something fun or meaningful, and in the meantime will continue to endure each day, knowing that they are losing precious time. Time had always been something I raced against. For years I believed that if I didn't sleep, I could fool time.

Yes, there are some who bound out of bed in the morning calling out "Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero!" (Translated, "Seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the future."). Perhaps I am looking too closely for "perfect," yet I am not concerned that I will not reach it. I use it only as a guidepost to achieve that knowing feeling of, I have loved enough, played enough, and yes, worked enough, just for today.

At the end of a day on a vacation, I reflect on the day asking myself if I have savoured the day living, exploring, learning, loving, giving, eating, and resting. Although, I excitedly anticipate tomorrow, I have had enough for this day. I want this everyday. At night, when I close my eyes, should it be my last waking moment, I want that knowing feeling that I have had enough, that my life is just right.